I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
