Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
