sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
