i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
