So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
