Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
