was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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