I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
