i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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