the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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