I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
