Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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