Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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