Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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