even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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