Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
They are going to name an STD after you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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