I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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