remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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