The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
