hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
someone owes me an orgasm
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
