I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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