Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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