nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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