OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
