Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
