That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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