My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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