Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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