I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
His nipple licking is glorious
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