It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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