Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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