What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
