dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
