dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
