I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
