Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
