i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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