I'm going to jail i love you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
