im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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