I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
one might say we're banned from that church
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
