we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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