Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
