I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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