He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
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The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
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I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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