did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
