Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
