HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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