i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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