In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
