white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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