We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
