is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I need to calm my uterus...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
