I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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