I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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