jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
