I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize