I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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