not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
