You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
