Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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