I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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