My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's shark week go big or go home
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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