We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
