Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
