drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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