he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
