please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Vodka?
Forever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
