I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
