I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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