I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
