Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
