return my video game
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize