Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
