The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Too much gin, very little bucket
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
