Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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