You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
