I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
