so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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