How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
