I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
